Thursday, October 28, 2010

Fast Day 3

Breakfast: Kale, pomegranate, raspberry, clementine smoothie

Treat: Raspberry mocha glacier

Lunch: 2 pieces of pizza, 1 cup of ice cream

Dinner: 2 servings of shrimp with 1/4c of cocktail sauce and a salad

Total calories: 1846

Exercise: I did 6.76 miles on the elliptical in 65 minutes and did 10k(6.2m) in 59 min on the hilly setting. I felt really woozy through most of the work out but I stuck it out!

So I kind of messed up by eating the pizza and ice cream at a work thing today... it was not "approved" food and it put me over my 1500 cal goal. But I still did fairly good intake wise and I turned it around with dinner instead of just saying "Well I screwed up already so might as well keep make poor food choices..."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fast Day 1 & 2

Day 1

Breakfast: Kale, pomegranate, raspberry, clementine smoothie

Lunch: Banana, 1/2 an orange, 2 TB trailmix, honey crisp apple, 1 slice of Great Harvest bread

Snack: (treat really) Raspberry mocha glacier

Dinner: Salad with cherry tomatoes, avocado and Lemon Goddess dressing

Total calories: 1466

Exercise: I did 65 minutes on the elliptical. I did 10k(6.2miles) in 61 minutes on a hilly setting. At about the 30 minute mark I got a little woozy and faint but I kept going and the feeling went away in less than 5 minutes.

Day 2:

Breakfast: Raspberry mocha glacier

Lunch: Oroweat thin (1/2), 2 TB nutella, calorie free energy drink

Dinner: nothing (I'll explain)

Total calories: 460

Exercise: A TON of cleaning.

So here's the story... I got a call last night from the landlord saying that a real estate guy is going to be doing a walk thru of the house tomorrow to get the ball rolling to sell the house. (They used to B&B with this house, which has 2 apartments and a bagillion bedrooms throughout the other sections) So I did some cleaning yesterday and continued today. It's not that the house way THAT dirty/messy, it's just that I am a very "over achiever/compulsive cleaner" and when I get going I just keeeeeeep going. If I see anything that has a spot on it or needs to be organized I NEED to do, I can't just tidy here and there.

So I kept saying to myself "I'll stop and eat soon" but never did. Then it became "I'll eat when I'm done." So I finish at 11pm and realize that I can't eat past 8:45 pm tonight because I am getting a fasting blood draw done tomorrow morning! So here it is 11pm and I have been cleaning like a maniac since noon and I have only eaten 460 calories and can't eat anymore! LAME! lol

But daaaamn is my house clean! :) It is as clean as it was when we moved it! And waaay more organized!

Monday, October 25, 2010


I am thinking about doing a fast. Not a no-food fast, not even a juice fast. Just a "just fruits and veggies" fast.

I have been on a roll with tracking my calories with my GoWearFit for almost 2 weeks I believe. Even on the days I didn't want to see how much I ate or how little I burned. But I did it. Now the thing is.... I can add up all the calorie deficits I have been created but it is not translating to the scale at all! It is very frustrating and disheartening.

Which is what brings me to the fasting. I am just going to give it a shot. Nothing else is making a difference. (I am also getting my thyroid checked AGAIN this week, and will get the results Nov 13th).

If I can manage it I will keep tabs on here about how I'm doing and how it feels.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Drowning in Self-Loathing

It's tangible...
I can feel it pressing down on me...
Pulling me down...
Threatening to swallow me up...
This self-loathing.

Dissappointed... in myself
Angry... with myself
Sad... within myself
Seething... at myself
Hating... myself

I know I should put some positive spin on this, look on the brightside, "whatever doesn't kill you makes you strong" blah blah blah. But I can't. Not right now. I have these lofty goals of losing weight (which is working for shit by the way) but truthfully I'm barely treading water in life much less the weight loss realm.

Times like this I long for the times when stress made me *not* want to eat... At least something would be moving in the right direction...