10k

In the last week I have done 2, yes two 10k runs! Not only that they are my first two 10ks EVER! I'm pretty psyched about it! I did them both in 1:06 min. I'm incredibly proud of myself! I am also continuing to improve my pace. I did the entire 10k at an average of 10:43min/mile pace. Which factors in my short walking breaks too. Usually when I get into longer runs my pace suffers. But lately I just seem to be improving and improving!

I am continuing to feel better thanks to my anti-depressants too. I really am glad that I followed through with it and made the appointment. I was always worried that I "wouldn't feel like myself" on anti-depressants but honestly I still feel completely like myself just happier. It is such an improvement and such a relief to not feel like I am being crushed by some invisible mass bearing down on me.

In other news, I'm going to need to set a new running ticker goal! I am less than 9 miles away from 100 miles since January 1st! :)

Starting to Feel Optimistic

For the first time in my life... I am taking an anti-depressant.

It is an idea I have been resistant to for a long time.

But...
after 10 years of feeling various degrees of depression
hitting a huge low recently
finally having health insurance...

I decided I was ready to take a leap.

It has only been a week so I'm not sure how much it is or isn't working, but I am slowly feeling better. I am very much looking forward to feeling even better.

I also have really gotten back into my running groove. I was struggling for a week to even get my running shoes on but I am back at it.

I am basically 3/4 done with my first 100 miles of the year! (see my ticker) Woot!

I accomplished my Nike+ goal of 5 runs at a 11:15 min/mile pace in 4 weeks.

I set a new Nike+ goal of 5 runs at a 11:00 min/mile pace in 4 weeks.

And tonight I completed my first run under my new goal pace, and it was my first run since setting the goal!

Also I set out for my scheduled 4 mile run and KILLED it!! I did 4 miles in 42:40!!

I had a definite runner's high after and felt so proud of myself. I truly believe that my new stretching habits have made a tremendous difference. My muscles did not feel fatigued or dead until the last 400 meters and I needed very little walking. My endurance both cardiovascular and strength are definitely increasing and I am so psyched! I'm starting to feel like a real runner! :)

Ooh Baby-Baby...

(Sung to the tune of Push It by Salt 'N Pepa of course. I know its not reeeally a song about babies but I like to sing just the "ooh babe-ay, babe-ay" part to Mostest because he's my Babe-ay :) LOL)


                           (Image from babiestoday. info)

Now more to the point... I have a hard time putting stuff "out there" and being vulnerable especially when it is something that has the potential to show failure. Something that I have been reluctant to mention to well... anyone... in the past is baby-making plans. Part of it is I don't like a bunch of people up in my business (which is why I will never tell certain people in my life LOL) and also partly because having people know that I'm "trying" will make me vulnerable and if it takes some time to accomplish... well then I'm failing. And I already hate failing, why would I want to purposefully show, tell, etc others that I'm failing?

So here's the truth: After (honestly) 2+ years of putting Hubby off on having another baby, I have finally caved. For several reasons: 1) because I'm dying to have another baby 2) because we have reached and/or slightly surpassed the age gap we wanted (3-4 years) 3) because I have put him off enough and he deserves better than that from me.

Lemme tell ya though... I have some serious reservations about getting pregnant right now. First and foremost I have not lost any weight. That has been damn near my one and only reason for putting off another baby all this time and I am, as a matter of fact, 15-20 lbs heavier than my lowest weight since having Mostest. WTF? And I never did get all the way back down to my pre-pregnancy weight period.

Looking back I can see what I did wrong. A lot of emotional and stress eating, plus of course... excuse making. However, I will say one thing that I think is valid and deserves to be pointed out. In the last 3.5 years since I had Mostest, my life has been incredibly inconsisent, unstable and unpredictable. Not in the sense of my marriage (thankfully) but in the day to day stuff. We did not live in one place longer than 10-11 months, Hubby and I both went through multiple jobs etc. It doesn't seem like such a big deal, but shit like that really piles on the stress and makes it hard to stay on track. Oh and on top of that I have had at least 2 significant bouts of either seasonal or postpartum depression.

Anyway... So here I am still struggling to even get into the lower 190's and trying to get pregnant. :S It makes for a lot of mixed feelings. On the one hand I am absolutely thrilled and giddy at the thought of being pregnant again but on the other hand I am devastated and terrified of starting a pregnancy at my current weight.

One thing I can say... Regardless of how much I weigh when I get pregnant again, there is going to be waaaaay less indulging and waaaaaay more exercising than when I was pregnant with Mostest and gained waaaaaay too much. I was working and going to school full-time when I was pregnant with him and therefore my eating was horrendous and I pretty much didn't exercise at all :(

I plan to continue cutting out sugar and refined carbs and continue running as long as I can and doing some sort of exercise the entire pregnancy. Honestly, what I really want is to look like this professional runner during a pregnancy... but at this point that's not going to happen. Maybe the next pregnancy? LOL


                (Image from runningskirts. com)

One Step at a Time

All I can do is my best,
                  one meal at a time,
                          one bite at a time,
                                    one run at a time,
                                            one step at a time,
                                                   one day at a time,
                                                         one second at a time.

Today was not my finest.

I had a binge...
                   and when I could have stopped it
                                                     I didn't. I just went. right. ahead.

But toward the end of said binge my body said "ICK!" and my mind said "Why are you doing this?" So I put those 2 things together and realizing that I truly was getting nothing out of this binge I was engaging in. I mean, intellectually I always know that I am getting nothing out of bingeing. Nothing good comes out of a binge. Quite the opposite in fact. But there is that emotional, irrational place in me that brings me to the precipice of a binge in the first place... and that place, believes I am getting something out of a binge. Filling some void I can't put my finger on, replacing and/or fulfilling some emotion I can't quite bring to the surface to acknowledge. Making me feel "better." But it really isn't...

I honestly believe this is something that I will battle with for quite a while to get worked out, maybe I will battle with it my whole life... I don't know. What I do know, is that I never want to quit battling. I never want to give in. That's not me, that has never been me, and I refuse to let that become me.

Which is why despite my bingeing, battered self-confidence, fatigue, and sore muscles I dragged myself out for the 5k run I had scheduled today. It was my third one in 3 days... I think 3 days in a row is too much in hindsight but I really wanted to stay accountable and on schedule. But lemme tell ya...

It. Sucked.

My calves hurt.
     My knees hurt.
          My pace was turtle like.

It was miserable.

But at the end of the day, I'm still glad I did it.

Because all I can do is take it one step at a time.

On Top of the World!

                                      (Image from Flickr)

That's how I'm feeling right now! Honestly, I haven't run 5 miles since probably 2008... maybe 2009 but I don't think so. (That makes me sad to read, much less put it out there for all to see.)

I was going through my run history on Nike+ and my 5k this week was literally only 2 seconds more than my personal record! That is awesome! Also, there is a thing toward the bottom that shows your best times for the mile, the 5k and the 10k. I was looking at the blank 10k section and realized "Hey! I was just 1.1 miles short of that today!!! (Eee!) I could probably get a 10k time in there very soon!!!" I honestly don't think I have EVER run that many miles in one shot in my life! (6.2) I have always been fast, but short distance fast. I have never done, or had any inclination to do, long distance running. Why would I? I played hockey- no running there. I played rugby- short, fast spurt running there. So it never came into play.

However, here I am in a new town that is very small (population of 3,500 I believe) and has no real althetic avenue for me. Where I lived before I was still playing women's hockey, which is by far my preferred method of exercise. But I have nothing here.

I am a competitve person.
I need something to be competing at.
Even if it is with myself.
Therefore I am now running.
And setting goals for said running.

Honestly I would love to be able to compete in races too but like I said... small town, plus it's an island so I can't just drive to a nearby town and there are no races that I have heard of here in town. So I will just keep competing with myself. And you know what? I'm actually OK with that :)

Ever since I started running with Aurora I have really started falling more in love with running. I think when I went by myself it felt like an obligation. I did it because I had to, because I needed exercise to lose weight. Now I do it because it is a fun thing to do with my furry sweetie plus I am enjoying it and I love to see the improvements in my times and distances.

I have decided that I want to be one of these chicks.... A totally BadAss runner chick :)


                             (Image from Google Images)

Mostest Motivation

I had a 2 mile run on my Nike+ 5k training schedule and had to take Mostest with me since Hubby was at work. When we hit the halfway point Mostest told me how badly he wanted to keep going (he was chillin' in the stroller). How can you say no to that? So obviously I kept going. Pretty soon we were getting close to the beach so I figured I would go all the way there and he could get out and play for a bit before we headed home. Well, turns out he was asleep! So I turned around to head home. We had gone 2.5 miles at that point so obviously I had 2.5 more miles ahead of me. Eek!

As I was getting started on the return trip I was definitely dreading it. I was pleasantly surprised to find that once I got going I was mostly fine. I wasn't dying, I wasn't having to walk for extended periods of time. Or anything like that.

Hopefully this works... but here is a link to my 5 miler :) -->  Nike+

I am pretty damn proud of it. Especially considering I was pushing a stroller with a 36lb preschooler in it. Woot!

Getting Back to Where I Left Off

Due to a Nike+ error (the time was going but the mileage wasn't) I ended up taking Aurora for a full 5k run last night! She did so well. She was so funny too, we retraced our steps for the last mile and she caught our previous scent/trail and took off running! She ran hard for a full 1/2 mile. Apparently she has more in her than I thought she did! LOL

I felt really good though. I'm feeling better endurance wise than I have felt since this past summer. I'm incredibly excited about that fact too. I want to start challenging myself to faster times and longer runs. Woot!

My goal for myself (and Aurora) is to go running at least 4x/week. Thankfully Hubby is on a shift right now that actually helps me have time to go running. Which is new and foreign! LOL

My current pace average is around 10:45-10:50... I am setting a goal of solid 10:00 pace averages.

I'm also setting a goal of getting my 5k time at or under 30 minutes.

Can't wait to conquer those goals!

Training My New Running Partner

I have longed for a running partner for quite a while...

Hubby doesn't enjoy running... so he's out.

Mostest doesn't enjoy being in the stroller as much as he used to... so he's out.

I'm in a new town so I haven't made many friends yet... so that's out.

SO, I got a dog! LOL

I got this beautiful girl and named her Aurora. Goddess of dawn.


She was born on Christmas Eve (how fun is that?) and she is about 3 months old.

Anyway, yesterday I took her for her 1st ever run! She has so much freaking energy so I figure "Why not give it a shot?" So I set out with my Nike+ set for a 3k and a mindset to walk if either of us needed it. Turns out, neither of us did!!! I am so proud of her! It was rainy too and it didn't bother her a bit. On my end, I was pleasantly surprised because I had way more endurance than I have had in quite a while. It was a very successful run and I look forward to taking her for her next one.

Here are some pics of us after our run! :) We are a rainy, sweaty, badass mess! LOL

I Need to Find My Power

Yum...



Mmm...

Wait who has the power here?

Cause it sure feels like ^ those guys have the power right now.

I want to rewind back to several weeks ago when ^ those guys had nothin' on me! But I can't go back... I have to go forward. Forward.

I have lost some ground by being off track and having an awful flu. I have not been on track with my food for almost a week now. I have fallen back into rationalizing why "its OK to have it because ________ " The only person I'm cheating is myself. So why do I keep cheating myself? Who am I fooling? No one.

I am done making excuses. Done rationalizing. I want to be powerful and in control of my eating, then I need to just do it.  Be powerful.  I need to eat like I am already in control. I want to be badass in my fitness. I want to break my old times running, be able to run long distances, have defined muscles to show off. So I need to be badass. I need to train like I am bad already.

It's like that cliche... you have to love yourself before anyone else can. I think I need to see myself these ways before anyone else can. I need to see myself as powerful, in control and badass. And dare I say beautiful?

It's definitely going to take some work to think those thoughts about myself, see myself those ways... but I'm starting to realize that I have to... or I never will.

So-So

I have not written a blog in quite a while... I am feeling pretty overwhelmed by my life lately :(

However since I got my GoWear Fit I have worn it every day and tracked my calories every day. Even those days when I knew I didn't want to see how low my calorie burn was and how high my calorie intake was. The good news though: I have not had a single day without a calorie deficit! So I must be doing something right!

Also I did two 5k runs last week which brought me to the 50 mile total mark! WOOT! Both runs last week were hard... I wanted to quit half way through both but I wouldn't let myself.

I will keep trucking along even though life is crazy right now and hopefully have some good numbers to show for it soon!

Mostest's First Race!

I am one proud mama today! I took Mostest to participate in his first race today! He was very excited. I kept asking him if he needed a walking break and he tried for 20 seconds and decided he didn't want any of that walking nonsense :) He did the full mile in under 14 minutes and not a single complaint either! He was smiling and laughing and high five-ing the whole time.

Refocusing

I need to refocus my:

-eating

-exercising

-blogging

-house

-parenting

Eating: I am going to bring me diet soda consumption back down to zero. It hasn't been too bad lately compared to the worst times but it is not zero like it was for a bit and like I want it to be. I have also slipped back into non-vegan/vegetarian eating habits. So I am going to get back to eating vegan again. Also I am going to break out this bad boy out again to start my raw vegan journey!

Exercising: I have decided to set my workout schedule like this:

Monday - Run

Tuesday - Gym

Wednesday - Run

Thursday - Gym

Friday - Run

Saturday/Sunday - possible run or some other fun exercise

This could change because my mom is signing up at the gym I'm at and we are going to try to get some workouts in together. But for now this is my planned exercise schedule. And I will continue to utilize my amazingly motivated Nike+ that has not gotten a lot of use lately.

Blogging: I want to get back to blogging on a regular basis (everyday or every other day). Plus I want to start incorporating more pictures in my blogs posts. I know I love reading blogs posts with pictures so I am striving to get more pictures in mine as well.

House: I want to take this 3 months to really deep clean, organize and purge my house. I hate how cluttered it has become due to my lack of time. I want to come home to a house that makes me feel calm and positive.

Parenting: I am setting up a schedule for Mostest that will help him know what to expect, what is on the agenda for the day and the week. I think this will help him transition from one thing to another better and I think it will get a steady routine going for us (something I am not very good at). Plus I think it will somehow help me being a more relaxed mom....

These are my goals, this is what I am refocusing on, this is my plan.... Here goes nothing :P

Kickin' Ass and Takin' Names!

I have busted my ass working out this week so far! Heres what I did on Tuesday and also today:

-Serious stretching
-Hip flexor exercises
-5k in 36:17 min and 35:52min respectively
(then off to the gym)
-Every arm machine at the gym for 2 sets of 12-20 reps
-2 sets of 20 lunges
-2 sets of 10 pop squats with an 8lb medicine ball
-2 sets of 20 squats with an 8lb medicine ball on the bosu all
-A full ab routine
-Some more serious stretching

I was SO sore today that I really didn't want to work out but I want to be successful and make no excuses so I worked out anyway! There were several times I want to quit soooo bad. But I didn't! It feels so freaking good to follow through with the things I say I'm going to do and be good to myself!

I am also proud to say that I have not skipped a single run since I started my Nike+ training program! :)

You know, I am still working on the food front but this much is sure... I am a rockstar at kicking my own ass when it comes to working out!

Hip Flexor Woes

I knew this was coming but hoped I was wrong. When I was 16 I broke the little bone of my hip that connects the hip flexor to the hip. Super lame! Let me tell you! LOL But I rehab-ed it and it is better than ever. Now the problem is the other hip, my right hip. I am prone to hip flexor pain and it is what has stopped me from pursuing running seriously in the past. I have always tried to keep the running to a minimum and intermittent. Thankfully my favorite sport is hockey and it doesn't have the same stress on hip flexors as running. However, I want to be a runner.

Here is some info on hip flexor injuries to those who may be curious.

I am wasting no time and I started doing my rehab exercises on my right hip tonight! I kept my Theraband from when I injured my other hip flexor because technically I should be doing the exercises on a regular basis... oops...

It's interesting too... while I was looking for a site with example of the exercises I noticed several sites mentioned the importance of stretching and that stiff muscles can exacerbate this problem. It's funny I have decided recently to work on stretching more because typically I only stretch when I'm sore due to the fact that I loathe stretching... Yeah I know not good... But I am trying to do right by my body and I'm trying to grow to like stretching (LOL). Good thing too because I do NOT want to break the bone of my other hip! That is the goal: to avoid bone breakage.

Here are the best pictures I could find of the exercises I am doing and descriptions also:

Hip Extension vs. Resistance Band

Begin this hip strengthening exercise standing at a bench or chair for balance and a resistance band around your ankle as demonstrated (figure 8). Keeping your back and knee straight, slowly take your leg backwards tightening your bottom muscles (gluteals). Perform 3 sets of 10 repetitions as far as possible provided it is pain free.

Hip Abduction vs. Resistance Band

Begin this hip strengthening exercise standing at a bench or chair for balance and a resistance band around your ankle as demonstrated (figure 9). Keeping your back and knee straight, slowly take your leg to the side tightening the muscles at the side of your thigh / hip (gluteals). Perform 3 sets of 10 repetitions as far as possible provided it is pain free.

Hip Flexion vs. Resistance Band

Begin this hip strengthening exercise standing at a bench or chair for balance and a resistance band around your ankle as demonstrated (figure 10). Keeping your back and knee straight, slowly take your leg forwards tightening the muscles at the front of your thigh / hip (hip flexors). Perform 3 sets of 10 repetitions as far as possible provided it is pain free.

Hip Adduction vs. Resistance Band

Begin this hip strengthening exercise standing at a bench or chair for balance and a resistance band around your ankle as demonstrated (figure 11). Keeping your back and knee straight, slowly take your leg inwards tightening the muscles in the inner thigh / groin (adductors). Perform 3 sets of 10 repetitions as far as possible provided it is pain free.

Finished my first 10 miles!

I have officially past the 10 mile mark on my running ticker! It is so gratifying to watch the miles tick upward!

I was scheduled for a 4 mile run but unfortunately only did 2.08. My body just didn't feel up to it and my right knee was killing me. I felt pretty shitty about not finishing it because I am the kind of person that when I set a goal I WILL finish it at all costs. But, I had to remind myself that I want to turn running into a long term fitness and enjoyment activity. So if I want to do that I need to be gentle with my body so it can keep doing it!!

I do need to give myself some kudos though for getting out and doing this run! I faced several obstacles over the course of 2 days that could have been great excuses to not run. But I didn't!!! I came up with solutions and a plan, then got out there and ran!!! This is NOT what I would usually do! I would usually take the first excuse at the first obstacle.

I am really looking forward to enjoying my rest day from running tomorrow. I foresee some IcyHot for my calves and shins and some relaxing with my hubby and Mostest!

Running Progess

So, I wanted to put shots up of my runs from my Nike+ but I can't figure out how...

But Monday I did 2.07 miles in 23:17 minutes. It was not too bad.

Then yesterday I was scheduled for a 3 mile run and it was POURING! There was no way I could run in that with Mostest. Finally around 11pm the rain stopped and by midnight I was out for a run! It was nice because it was cool out and there were very few cars out (I'm so self conscious while running.) I made sure to wear a white shirt just in case I misjudged the amount of light I had left and brought my cell phone.

Some reasons this run was possible:

• I live in Alaska and it's summer time so it stays light for a long time and barely gets dark period.
• I live in a small town so the odds of anything happening to me are extremely minimal
• I have a toddler who loves to stay up late if he can

I must admit, my imagination got the best of me at points. I was frequently looking around to make sure no people were popping out and being shady. I was also watching the tree line because I don't live in town and the running trail is right up against some thick tree/brush areas and I did NOT want to be surprised by a bear or a moose! Which entirely possible!

As I reached the halfway mark I was thinking "What did I get myself into? Am I trying to kill myself?" But I was already 1.5miles away from home so what could I do? Plus I'm super competitive and didn't want 1.5miles of walking to show up on my Nike+ when I got home!

As I neared the last 400meters of my run my thoughts went like this:

Tired Me- Oh my goodness why am I doing this? I am NEVER running again!

Optimistic Me - Shut up, you're almost done anyway!

Tired Me- Yeah but I'm never doing this again!

Optimistic Me - Well tomorrow is a rest day...

Tired Me- But then I'm scheduled for a 4 mile run!!

Optimistic Me- But then you have 2 rest days in a row :)

Tired Me- OK fine :/

LOL

I'm proud to say I finished and did 3.07 miles in 35minutes! I'm really glad I did too. However I am completely dreading the 4 mile run tomorrow! There will probably be quite a bit of walking in that one!

The best part... when we got home Mostest had fallen asleep in the stroller, so I took him into the house and laid him in his bed. He woke up as I started peeling off his layers and he looked up at me and said "That was a beautiful run Mommy." And he was not talking about the scenery :) It made me all warm and gushy inside!

4th of July

Happy 4th of July everyone!

So I got my Nike+ sensor the other day and yesterday Mostest, hubby and I went out for a run and I calibrated it! I also got my nikerunning.com account all set up to log my runs and keep me on track for my training. When I get my next run in and log it I will post a shot of it :)

My run felt really, really good last night. I ran my callibration mile at a 9:27/mile pace, which is pretty good in general for me and especially since I have not run since when I first started this blog. Best of all it was not a bust-your-ass run at all, it was just a chill run you know?

Here's Mostest all set for a run: binoculars (because apparently he was bird watching...), and iPod with his favorite turns and headphones of course.

These things make him much more content to hang out in the stroller. I also enjoy listening to him sing to his tunes too :)

Today was the 4th of July and there are lots of food are pretty quintescienial... BBQ'd hot dogs being one of them. I looooove them! I caved and had one... But a cool thing that came out of it was that my mom mentioned that she was going to look for vegan hot dogs for me but that she ran out of time. It meant SO much to me to hear that not only is she being accepting of my choice to become vegan, she is supporting it!

I had a lot of anxiety about "coming out the closet" so to speak. I don't know any vegans so I wasn't sure how my family would react. Now that it is out there and they are accepting of it I am SO relieved!

Since I live in a small Alaskan town and it was the 4th of July today of course there was a parade! Here are some fun pictures from it! :)

Watching the parade with Mostest

I've never seen one of these before... crazy!

The PFLAG float! I'm so proud that we have one now! This is it's second year being in existence and in the parade!

This just made me laugh!

This poster on one of the floats really moved me...

Lastly, I had to get a picture of one of these biker jackets because the Hoka Hey came to my town and it was awesome that some of them participated in the parade!

New "toys"

My Nike+ arrived today!! Unfortunately we were going to a birthday dinner so I did not have a chance to try it out. I want to hit the gym tomorrow to calibrate it and if not that, then I will go for a run in the evening.

Also, THIS came in the mail:

I'm really excited to start reading through it and figuring this Raw Foodism/Raw Vegan thing out once and for all. I have done a lot of reading about Raw Vegan in the last 3 months and have been working at getting immersed in eating that way but it is really hard for me.

I am hoping that Raw Foodism is the "solution" I have been looking for in terms of eating and weight loss. I really notice a difference in how I feel when I eat raw vs cooked. In honesty it sounds kind of crazy but I am really giving this a shot!

Land of the Midnight Sun

Ahh! I love Alaska! The only thing that makes those long dark winter days (think 4 hrs or less of sunlight at its peak) bearable is the knowledge that the fantastic summer days of the Midnight Sun will come and make up for the darkness.

So since we recently had summer solstice I went for a midnight run tonight!! And THIS is what it looked like!

Come on! How awesome is that? As I sit here it is 1am and there is still a little light left and it will come back up in less than 3 hours! :)

Now, the run itself? Not so good. I have not run for at least 2 weeks, maybe more. In addition I felt sick to my stomach for a large portion of the evening. BUT, I was determined to get out there and run. I did 2 miles. Not great but it is a start! And hey, I got some miles up on my running ticker!