Empowering Myself

I have been absent for awhile because I have been embarrassed with my efforts to lose weight and especially my progress (or rather lack-there-of) and I just didn't know what to say about it.

I have been reading a lot of the weight loss blogs that I have bookmarked and one really slapped me in the face... Over at PriorFatGirl (one of my favorite weightloss blogs) I read this post by Elle: Strategy #1: Address the problem. It really made me take a hard look at myself and the choicing I have been making.

"If I subscribe to the idea that I am an “overeater” or a “chocoholic” or someone who “struggles with her weight,” then I am actually saying that I am powerless to control myself around food."

I have labeled myself as an "overeater" and as someone with "food issues" for quite a while. Which easily turns into an excuse for my behavior because "I can't help it, I have 'food issues' ".... And that is ridiculous. I have always been a firm believe that life is all about choices and that we always have a choice. So why have I not been applying that to my eating? I make the choice of what I eat and how much, not someone else, not the food. ME.

You can forgive yourself until the cows come home, and eventually you’ll be one of them. I forgave myself all the way to 212 pounds, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that I could forgive myself clear to 500 pounds or more.

This really struck me because I am constantly making excuses, justifying, rationalizing and probably forgiving too. "Well I had a really bad day... it won't be that big of a deal is I eat some ____." "I don't look that overweight..." Etc etc. And really this struck me on a very personal level too because I literally did forgive myself up to 200lbs...

This is not who I am. A woman who weighs 200lbs and has "food issues."

I am the woman who was badass on the rugby field and on the ice rink. The woman who could knock other chicks around and score try's and goals with ease. The woman who had tone muscles all over. The woman who could wear children's sized shirts. The woman who felt strong and powerful and sexy and energetic.

I want to be that again. Not the woman I am now. The woman who hates to wear cute clothes because they show how heavy I have gotten. The woman who hates to get her picture taken. The woman who feels tired most of the time. The woman who has to actually work hard to to fitness activities.

It's all about choices. Only I can make the choices that will lead to me being a happier, healthier person. The excuses need to end now.